The Gross Gang

THE GROSS GANG cover .500

Click the pic for my sales page and a peek inside

This children’s e-book is the first ‘stand-alone’ of my creations, celebrating antiquated words that are rarely, if ever used in today’s ‘too busy’ world. Sadly, many ‘babies are being thrown out with the bathwater’ in the name of Progress. Sometimes some of us wonder exactly what we are progressing towards.

Whatever your opinion, whatever your age, this is going to be a book to amuse and entertain, and even educate in a most enjoyable way. Just wrap your tongue around a few of these twisters and check out what a mouthful they can be.

I am particularly besotted by the ‘Slubberdegullion’. Go on… just say it out loud. Doesn’t it roll around your mouth, and force you to really move those lips? And don’t you find you maybe screw up your nose, or twist your mouth around it? Maybe you frown and try to look ferocious? But haven’t you found yourself laughing at your own antics? If you haven’t, go try it in front of a mirror.

After you’ve read his story, I defy you to say ‘Sebastian the Spiv’ without looking shifty and roguish. And will you ever read about the bellygod without patting or rubbing your own stomach?

The good news is that all these strange words are listed after each rhyme with their pronunciation and meaning, plus there is a complete Glossary of the whole lot in alphabetical order, at the end of the book… so no excuse for not having a ‘butcher’s hook’ (a look) and ‘give it a burl’ (try it out).  Those two are not so old and historic as the ones in the book, but being particularly ‘Aussie’, I thought I’d better translate them, too.

Welcome to a small excerpt from the world of the antiquated ABC.

Attack of the Mucky Mudlark

Attack of the Mucky Mudlark


A mudlark has just been here,

it’s plain for me to tell.

There’s a fustiness, a mustiness,

a stink-bomb skunky smell.

If I snuff and I snowk,

perhaps I’ll scent him out.

That clarty, dreggy mudlark,

he’s somewhere hereabout!

I see muckiness and yuckiness,

everywhere he’s been.

There’s a sliminess, a griminess,

I’m almost turning green!

This place is just a pig-sty,

a slushy, sludgy pit.

And my son, the mucky mudlark,

is the cause of ALL of it!!!

Here’s hoping your appetite for these ‘pearls’ is well and truly awakened and tempted to learn more.

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